Parenting Advice: Are You Stuck in a Yelling Contest with Your Kid?

You know, if raising your voice worked, parenting would be simple, am I right? We could simply scream, “Jump!” and our kids would obey. child behavior problems would be a rare occurrence. Parenting advice to would come easy – just blow your top. But here’s the hard facts: it never pays off. I’ve told parents, “Look, if yelling at kids produced results, I’d be out of business. You’d just be able to scream at your kid and he’d change. Or you would bring your children to my office, I’d scream at him and call him insults for 45 minutes, and then your child would go home and be sweet for a week. Once any adult had kids, parenting advice would be easy to dole out.

When parents advise me that they are yelling at the top of their lungs sometimes to get their kid’s attention, I can understand. I’m a parent too and I’ve worked with adults and kids all my life. Let’s face it, it can be tough being a stong parent, and it can be tough being a child. I believe adults end up yelling at their kids because they’ve simply run out of other ways to solve the problem. Instead, they rely on power to get the job done. And it works, so long as the other person is willing to accept this from you. However, know that once your child realizes they can yell back, your yelling will not make a difference. And make no mistake, yelling skills are harder for kids to get rid of than they are to learn.

In my judgement, parents should never get into a shoutng match with their child; it hands over power.It also does not help you with the problem at hand, whether it’s getting your child to take out the trash, stop playing video games, or to come home on time. The negative results of yelling are, it lowers your authority down to your child’s level.When you’re out of control, they know it and for the time you’re in that fight with them, your respect is reduced.

The 3 Things Your Child Learns from Yelling:

Your child learns that power is how things get done. More precisely, he learns that overpowering others is the simplest way to get things done.
Your child learns that his parents can lose control, and that by manipulating the right words, they can get you to lose control. Make no bones about it, once you’ve started using shouting as a behavior tool, you’ve shown everything he needs to know about pushing your buttons.
Your child learns how to shut you off. Mentally and emotionally, he quickly learns how to stop hearing your words when the shouting begins.

These are the reasons why the old school parenting advice of just yelling doesn’t work. Teaching your kids the opposite of what you want them to do is not the answer. Reducing your power down to a child’s level doesn’t work either. Screaming orders in order to get things done is not how to get your child to listen and follow.